Thursday, January 25, 2007


It occurred to me that folks that are not in contact with me on a day-to-day are neglected my brilliant turn of phrase, word spin, and all around playful repartee. To you, I give:

Drop The Dragon - Used in cases in which I find another problematic and wish to motivate them through my will.

"Man-howdy, if he doesn't get that work done, I'm going to have to drop the dragon on him!" or "Don't make me drop the dragon!"

Ass clown* - Replacing Jackhole in most name-calling instances.

"Look Ass Clown, if you don't get off that damn phone and place your order I'm going to drop the dragon on you."

Weenis - Used in place of Ass Clown around my friend SK as he finds Ass Clown distasteful. Origin: Combination of Weener and Penis, Weenis.

"That friggin' guys is such a weenis. Did you know he parks in capper spots?"

Bob and Weave - Used when describing the handling of particularly squirrelly folks.

"I just get in there, sez my peace and gets out. Bob and weave dude, it's the only way to go."

You wanna dance?? - Used when someone is being confrontational with you and you wish to let them know you're fully willing to engage. When you ask, "you wanna dance?" it's implied that you may drop the dragon on them.

"Ubs, I've asked three times for you to put your shoes on. You wanna dance, or what?"**

I guess that's alls I gots…I'm clearly lacking. If you have any "isms" that you'd like to share, please add to the comments.

*Ass clown came from SA who also has a major hand in jack hole. She is a fine resource in collecting turns of phrases. Love her.***
**Note, dropping the dragon on a child entails picking them up, placing them on a soft piece of furniture and then crushing them with your entire upper body as one would a fake wrestler.

Monday, January 22, 2007


Every morning Ubs calls me into his room when he wakes and I crawl into bed next to him and rub his back...he blinks his eyes open and closed several times slowly and then looks me in the eye and whispers, "I love my daddy."

Every morning I quietly tell him that I picked his daddy out of all of the daddies in the world. That still fails to get me my props.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

I'll Never Know Why You People Doubt Me, I'm Clearly Brilliant

My friend Amy McWeasel questioned my insistence that a dog trumps a cat in all things related to the person, with the minor exception of ease of care. Now, many years have passed and my sweet friend has FINALLY added a puppy to her family. And what should she find but the unimaginable joy that a pup brings to the return home. Ahem, told you so dude. Pups rock.

Granted, AM may have questioned my objectivity on the matter as I am an unapologetic cat-hater. Peeps, they have claws and can often be mean. Doggies, not so much. In fact, let me just point out this, my most favorite expression I've found that mirrors my position on cats...furry meanies.

natalie dee

Here's another, stating the obvious:


And for you other cat haters, just so you know:

natalie dee

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Card from a Friend

I got a card from a friend recently that read,

"You are the strongest person I ever met," she said & I said, "You too" and we decided we'd know each other for a long time.

And that made me happy because I like when people see me as strong. One of my main, silly quests is to be perceived as strong. And clearly, my friend is strong...goes without saying.

But then I picked the card up today, after living with it on my desk for over a week and it read,

"You are the strangest person I ever met," she said & I said, "You too" and we decided we'd know each other for a long time.

And that really makes sense but it shifted everything for me for just a second. Odd how we can frame reality to be whatever we want it from time to time. Odder yet, that it persists regardless of our framing.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Negative Nelly

I don't mean to be a Negative Nelly. Looking back on my last few blogs I see that I have been. It is for this reason that I pledge to you that this will be my final negative post for the next two weeks. *

Now to it, a bit of background:

My pops worked for Chrysler for many, many years. My brother currently works for Chrysler. I buy American (as much as a company owned by Germans can be considered American). I do so largely because unions are still a part of the equation at Chrysler/Ford/GM et al. I also do so because I get a killer employee discount on all of their cars.

And then I read this. Remindin' me of days gone by; of lemonade and guiltless slash and burns of the Amazon, of a geocentric solar system, a flat earth and gentler times when the ages were dark and cool. Oh past, oh ignorance, oh denial; your solace is mine.

Jack ass.

*Hey! Two weeks is a long time!

Monday, January 08, 2007

The Mummers are Disgusting Asses

Okay, okay...don't get all nutty and defensive. It is my experienced that perhaps there are two distinct categories of mummers; those that compete and those that walk around like nasty freaking drunken losers. It's the latter of which I write.

If you have a doubt about the truthfulness of the title of this post, I have lived 1/2 block from Broad Street for three years and not one of those years have passed that I have failed to view some horrible, self-centered, trashed ass whip out his penis and piss on the side of my neighbors house.

Note to Philly Government: If you insist on making money off of these idiots, the least you could do is put porta-johns in our neighborhoods.