Tuesday, October 18, 2005

The Lingo I've Heard This Week Alone

"On The Pipeline" for stuff that was promised to some guy you've never met by another guy you've never met but which you must make happen or else.

"Action Item" for things you've got to handle before the next meeting, or else.

"Fast-track" for stuff that has been thrown on the pipeline after you've budgeted your time but that must be done yesterday, regardless.

"Up to speed" for talking smack about your co-workers when hanging out in the cafeteria trying not to sneak a smoke. As in, "Let me bring you up to speed on Matt. He's a freakin' piece of work, that one."

"Integrated solution" for products that are bundled together to solve a problem or several problems that you didn't know that you had.

"Off-line", I actually like this one. I use it often to say, "Shut the hell up and figure it out on your own damn time." Of course, I say it like this, "Wow, that's a great solution Zelda. Why don't you talk to Markus off-line about that and bring us back some thougths on fast-tracking this?"

"Out of the loop" for me.

"Human Resources" for the view of people as captial.

"Value-added" for crap you're willing to give away.

"Win-win" for a comprimise in which everyone is equally jacked.

"Driving Decision" for the freaking reason you have to talk the developers and QC folks into yet another patch build.

"QC" for quality control or the only sane people around.

"Out of scope" for anything that can't be placed under the tent of the driving decision.

"Under the tent" for anything that can be loosely tied to an idea.

"Show-stopper" used in any event that can be construed as remotely problematic for the end-user.

"End-user" for the joker that buys your crap.

"Present that formally" for "You better tell everyone in the world that is your plan, otherwise you're jacked."

"Doc-that" for "Please write that down so I can point at it in a few weeks when you deny having agreed to x."

"ULA" (pronounced you-la) for User License Agreement

Do you have any?


Blogger Duf said...

"long pole in the tent" for the item in the project that is most likely to delay timely implementation.

"MOU" = memorandum of understanding

"COB" = close of business; use can you finish by COB 10/18?

"locked down" that point in the project when no new items may be added.

"scope creep" adding items to a project or build after business requirements have been finalized.

"blue sky" a pie in the sky solution (in my business, it's the five minute mortgage or paperless processing.

"working meeting" a meeting during which, it is expected that the result will be a tangible item (and not just "ideas" or talk).

...and I have to capture more. Our IT group is FULL of them. FULL, and they go in and out of vogue faster than you can write them down.

8:23 PM  
Blogger Amy McWeasel said...

Oh, this post made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

I recently had a conference call with another vendor & our shared client regarding an integration. Both fellas were easygoing and cool (which made the call enjoyable), but my favorite moment came when the other vendor called out "bullshit bingo!" because "pipeline" had just earned him his last bingo square.

6:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

snot bubble

Just because I have a cold.

I have some good nonprofit ones, but I am suffering from a brain cloud and they don't come immediately to mind.


2:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, you cannot imagine how many stupid business school buzzwords I have learned over the years at places like Intel and McAfee. You will love this, if you haven't sen it before:


-- Mim

3:22 PM  
Blogger Aerenchyma said...

Good lord, "long pole in the tent" is too damn graphic for me!! Did anyone else blush when they read that phrase??

--Scope creep is also one of my favorites.

Arasin, sounds like your implimenting the same nasel solution as Ubs.

AM-Girl! Bullshit Bingo! Talk to me! What were the other words on the Bingo card??

Mim, that's a great strip. Hilarious, thanks for the link.

5:59 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home