Friday, June 24, 2005


If you got ‘em, keep ‘em. I’m not down with them. I firmly believe that they are not good for my psyche. It matters not what *kind* of secret it is. It only matters if you expect me to keep it from someone.

Not only am I a HORRIBLE secret keeper, but I am also a horrible secret teller. I never get the facts right because I’m too freaked out that I’m telling. And I don’t even keep my own. Ask me how much I make, and I’ll spill. Ask me how much I owe on credit cards, here you go. Ask me about the last time I got in a fight with SK, and I’ll describe it in detail.

I can understand how disconcerting this must be to people that trust me to keep their secrets, but consider this as full warning; I do not want to know nor keep your secrets. It might be safe for you to preface a secret-telling with, “Don’t tell anybody but…,” I’ll be sure to interrupt you right there and tell you that I don’t want to know.

The tough thing is that even people that know this about me and choose not to overtly share secrets with me, end up falling victim to it. Apparently there are many anecdotes that are shared between friends that aren’t expressly stated to be secrets but would be embarrassing if shared with the wrong crowd.

Here’s my quick and dirty analysis; secrets are such because of shame most often.* And I have very little shame. I guess I chalk up most of my mistakes to moments in time where I had a little learnin’ to do. I like to be generous with others in the same way, that’s why I think I’m pretty good at forgiveness. Anyway, because I’m mostly not ashamed and don’t really relate to that sentiment (much like guilt, but that’s another story), I don’t really honor other’s shame as much as I should. For that reason, as *punishment” for my inability to empathize, I will reveal some items that should be secrets about me, if I considered them such.

1. There are cheerios and raisins all over my living room floor right now.
2. I have $28 in my personal savings account.
3. I am at the “danger zone” in regards to my weight.
4. I didn’t bathe today.
5. I hate republicans, regardless of their person.
6. I’m not nearly as smart as my mother believes.
7. I sneak cigarettes every now and again.
8. I’d rather philosophize about the state of the state, than do something about it.
9. I could give more money to charity if I budgeted. I do not budget.
10. I am not a member of NPR but listen to it daily.

Long story short, please trust me when I say, I will not keep your secrets.

**The surprise party secret is an exception to this rule, and I am a bit better at keeping these sorts of secrets, but still not great.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I gotta secret for ain't no secret that you can't keep a secret...hehe!

7:42 AM  
Blogger Aerenchyma said...

I'll never know why Jackson has be to be such a jack hole. Like the infinite, I suppose, it just must be.

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

didn't i just tell you some secrets this morning? i guess i should have known.

2:16 PM  
Blogger Aerenchyma said...


5:44 PM  
Blogger Duf said...

Sometimes I do not shower once during the weekend (usually in the winter, but hey...).

Have you ever read "The Three Musketeers"? There are secrets told within it, and they are fiercely kept. The line was "it's not my secret to tell." I loved the notion that I can't tell you the secret. The telling has to be done by the person who holds the secret.

Not to offer a solution when none was sought, but have you ever thought about telling a person who tells you a secret that they have nothing to be ashamed of and that they may find solace in telling others - in unburdening themselves as it were?

I say that as someone who has really struggled with intimacy and secrecy issues. Keeping a secret for years (driven by shame) cost me a 7-year relationship. Secrets can destroy.

In spite of this, I remain an intensely private person. Sharing is hard for me, and I have a lot of accidental secrets. Things I don't tell but should.

Sorry for the long and rambling comment from someone you don't even know written as if you care!


1:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

C'mon, what are the details of your last fight with SK?

Ahh, I got my own troubles, don't need yours...

Funny your should bring up secrets ... I recently told a friend about some fight I had with my boyfriend, and was a little upset that she told a few mutual friends...I figured this out when the mutual friends offered support. I just realized that no one was speaking about me maliciously, they were worried because I was so upset. My friends are my support system, and I would be lost without them.

Is it a secret that I am a procrastinator?


2:09 PM  
Blogger Aerenchyma said...

Duf-Totally care bubs. In regards to your suggested solution, I think I'm kind of a cold girl (again, that's a secret), so, when I should be reassuring the secret teller, I end up saying something trite like "Dude, it's all good" rather than empathizing because, honestly, I believe it is all good.

Trixie-procrastination can be an art form -and- I'm glad you're still finding friends that care enough about you to talk behind your back. Love you girl!

12:33 PM  

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