Sorrow

My friend died last week. Unexpectedly. She was brilliant and beautiful. A writer.

My gramma died yesterday. Not unexpectedly. She was feisty and tough. An artist.

I've gone to a holiday party, grocery shopped and walked the dog since they've died.

I've been working and have been surprised when drops of water fall on my hands from tears rolling down my face that I had not noticed I was crying.

I've done laundry, listened to "The Wheels On The Bus Go Round and Round", and made cereal for dinner since they've died.

I'm trying desperately to make it better so that SK, Ubs and my other beloveds don't have to be faced with my sorrow, which is bigger than me and grayer than me, and silences me…leaving nothing of what they need and what I so wish to give.

There's nothing to be done. I can only be with it. Let it have me. Wish for it to be otherwise and maybe it will get better, like they say.