A Lucky Feminist Pants-Peeing Girl

This is most likely going to freak SK out. He may not be able to recover. And I don’t blame him. I guess the truth is he’s right, that there seems to be a bunch of rules that people live by, that have been accepted for whatever reason, and, well, those reasons seem to make sense to most people, but not to me. And I’m not at all sure why but I will say, that I can’t fake it. Never have been able to. It’s sometimes disconcerting to my loved ones. I remember telling my mother that I flew home from Portland with tampons and pads in the mesh part of my backpack so that my co-passengers could see my reality and maybe come to the conclusion that they should leave me the F alone. She was stunned, yet supportive.

Last night SK and I were watching television and this commercial came on. And he laughed a little. “What’s funny?” I asked, because incontinence, while often amusing to pre-teen boys, usually doesn’t tickle adults is the same way. “You certainly don’t have any problem believing that you’re talking about peeing your pants ‘just a little bit’ all the time.” And I don’t. Warning ladies: once you’re pregnant, you’ll pee your pants a lot; mostly when you laugh, but sometimes when you cough, and other times just because you didn’t acknowledge the immediacy of your situation and, well, you blew it. After you’ve had your baby, you think you’re done with such “indignities”, which I don’t find in-dignifying at all. You’d be wrong. At least if you’re like me, you’d be wrong. So sometimes, even now, even after 10 months, I pee my pants from laughing too hard or from a random cough. And I don’t keep it a secret. I tell SK. Yep. I do. Usually it goes something like this, “Shut UP! You’re making me pee myself!” or “Crap, I just peed.” And he gives me that look and I know, for his sake, I should censor myself, but in the end, he seems to be getting use to me and my body. It has been 7 years after all.

As I ponder, I am thinking my failure to be ashamed comes from luck, my luck in being a feminist and having been exposed to a philosophy of self-acceptance. I grasp that shame is a great motivator in generating sales--that there’s a lot of money in women trying to hide the truth of their bodies. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still buying the deodorant and wearing it, but I’m not ashamed that I’m stinky after a workout. I keep it no secret that I have a period. I don’t feel like I’ve somehow failed because I pee a little bit when I laugh too hard. In fact, I’m glad my body is doing what it needs to be to be healthy. I feel lucky to laugh so hard that I pee. In fact, I might even go so far as consider myself a lucky feminist pants-peeing girl.